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Can some one edit this for me ?


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#1 hmtinc

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Posted 07 October 2012 - 02:10 AM

I am working on a english reflective essay and it still incomplete cause it needs anecdotes , Method of developments , and a stronger conclusion .
But before i continue could anyone edit the in complete essay below .


How Technology Changed My Life

Reflective Essay by : Harsh Mistry


Through out my life so far there has been several significant advances in technology. From 32bit to 64bit ,  single –core to quad core , and  gigabytes to terabytes. These and many other technological advancements have greatly impacted my life  in a variety of ways . The technological advancements from 2000 – 2012  have dramatically changed my by allowing me to take on new activates such as programming , its has allowed me to enhance my work , and new technologies have allowed me to more effectively express my self and my ideas  .
Technology has allowed me to learn new concepts such as computer programming .  Being exposed to computer programming allowed me to improve my problem solving skills because during computer programming a lot obstacles in between   come up which requires a lot of workaround and solutions.  Additionally Computer programming requires the extensive use of Mathematics , a result of this ever since I started learning to program in various languages my math marks and my math and science have gone up on average by 5- 6 % .  Computer programming has changed my life by a drastic amount by helping improve my problem solving skills , Mathematics skills , and my academic averages .
Using technology has allowed me to More effectively express my self and my ideas because it has given me the opportunity to  use new software that allows me to express my ideas more effectively . Software such as Adobe Creative suite , Final cut , and logic studio have allowed me to create files and projects that more effectively express my ideas and thoughts . This is a major life changing   event for me because prior to using such software , I struggled to express my ideas and thought using standard methods. Technology has also allowed me to express my self more effectively because it also reduces the time it takes for me to create a product or project .
Technology has also allowed me to improve my work at school with the use of productivity software , Graphics software , andvideo editing software The use of graphics and video editing software along with required peripherals  have allowed me to deliver more unique Presentations in many of my classes and because of this my marks on final projects and summative with the exception of English have improved and are exceptionally well.  In addition to using graphics and video editing software to enhance my work .
Technology has drastically changed my by allowing to enhance my work , Express my ideas more effectively , and allowing me to take on new activities . The various impact technology has had on my life are  life changing and will continue to change my life as it progresses  . Technology is ever changing and I hope to continue to work with technology
--
HM

#2 cluthz

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Posted 07 October 2012 - 02:55 AM

How long should this be? And how old are you (I have no clue what different grades and school system there is in Canada, so saying 5th grade or whatever doesn't mean anything to me).

You should look into Moore's Law. http://en.wikipedia....iki/Moore's_law

Also the biggest difference in todays computing in terms of how the world change, to what was common ten years ago, is not the amount of cores,
but rather habits, where we use computers, and how we use them.
I'm talking about mobile computing, pad and phones.
Social computing, everyone is using social media, twitter/facebook.
"Social computing" ten years ago was irc and newsgroups, was mostly for "nerds".

Ten years ago I got 50 calls on my birthday, today I get e-mails, Facebook wall messages and so forth.

Also, work on structure, divide the essay into a few parts where you take up one subject at the time, instead of just talking about everything at once.

f.ex:

Part1: Talk about the technical history, here you can put in some history and Moore's law.

part2: How has your life changed.

part3: Maybe a though on what the future will hold, I'm not talking about the next 12 core intel, but people.

Part4: A conclusion

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#3 hmtinc

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Posted 07 October 2012 - 03:00 AM

View Postcluthz, on 07 October 2012 - 02:55 AM, said:

How long should this be? And how old are you (I have no clue what different grades and school system there is in Canada, so saying 5th grade or whatever doesn't mean anything to me).

You should look into Moore's Law. http://en.wikipedia....iki/Moore's_law

Also the biggest difference in todays computing in terms of how the world change, to what was common ten years ago, is not the amount of cores,
but rather habits, where we use computers, and how we use them.
I'm talking about mobile computing, pad and phones.
Social computing, everyone is using social media, twitter/facebook.
"Social computing" ten years ago was irc and newsgroups, was mostly for "nerds".

Ten years ago I got 50 calls on my birthday, today I get e-mails, Facebook wall messages and so forth.

Also, work on structure, divide the essay into a few parts where you take up one subject at the time, instead of just talking about everything at once.

f.ex:

Part1: Talk about the technical history, here you can put in some history and Moore's law.

part2: How has your life changed.

part3: Maybe a though on what the future will hold, I'm not talking about the next 12 core intel, but people.

Part4: A conclusion
The essay is for grade 10 high school English . It's supposed to be on how a something in your life time changed you and we have to write 3 body paragraphs on why and 3 anecdotes outling times that such events occurred or relevant events
--
HM

#4 wMin17

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Posted 08 October 2012 - 01:34 AM

This is tenth grade?  I've written 10,000 word essays in 8th grade..

#5 ignomsabomeob

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Posted 08 October 2012 - 02:03 PM

What events in history had people acting humanly towards each other

#6 hmtinc

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Posted 08 October 2012 - 03:26 PM

View PostwMin17, on 08 October 2012 - 01:34 AM, said:

This is tenth grade?  I've written 10,000 word essays in 8th grade..
the Essay is still incomplete.
I would write a 10,000 word essay , but our english teacher has capped us at 900 words max . it apparently supposed to teach us how to communicate ideas in without the need of long essays .
our english teacher says if we go over the max limit she will fail us :(
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#7 hmtinc

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Posted 09 October 2012 - 01:24 AM

View PostHrachya, on 09 October 2012 - 01:05 AM, said:

Htminc, you repeat things too much.  You used the word technology three times in one paragraph. That's a no no
i edited it . Thanks

I also changed my topic to How computers have changed my life .
--
HM

#8 KGameLover1

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Posted 14 October 2012 - 09:54 PM

i find it rather hilarious that a russian immigrant knows english grammar and spelling better than someone who has had it their entire life
just saying

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blinxfrost said:

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#9 hmtinc

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Posted 15 October 2012 - 12:01 AM

View PostKGameLover1, on 14 October 2012 - 09:54 PM, said:

i find it rather hilarious that a russian immigrant knows english grammar and spelling better than someone who has had it their entire life
just saying
kgamelover1 if you were stating that russian immigrant knows english grammar and spelling then me then read the sentence below .
I actually lived in india prior to coming to canada and while i was there i actually was learning Gujarati / Hindi . So i actually haven't taken english my whole life and english is not exactly my main Language.  :P
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#10 KGameLover1

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Posted 20 October 2012 - 09:54 PM

View Posthmtinc, on 15 October 2012 - 12:01 AM, said:

kgamelover1 if you were stating that russian immigrant knows english grammar and spelling then me then read the sentence below .
I actually lived in india prior to coming to canada and while i was there i actually was learning Gujarati / Hindi . So i actually haven't taken english my whole life and english is not exactly my main Language.  :P
regardless, Porting Team isn't your homework help board.

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blinxfrost said:

in game my guy spins out of control only way i can control is arrow keys my hands are to nubby to reach them and shot

View my ports! <--- Orcs Must Die, Payday, Fallout, I Wanna Be The Guy, and more!

How to use a Wineskin wrapper!


#11 eridani

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Posted 20 October 2012 - 11:04 PM

You 2 should get married =P

#12 hmtinc

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Posted 21 October 2012 - 06:21 PM

anyway i finished my essay it was around 890 words at the end it goes around 90 words over but like whos going to notice :P
admin/mod can lock this thread .
--
HM




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